To you, still healing from a theology of self denial:
Maybe you over correct sometimes and give yourself everything you want.
Maybe that’s how you teach yourself the new way – that God delights in your joy.
Maybe indulgence is the cure to the venom shoved down your throat time and time again.
Maybe gluttony is how you unlearn starvation.
Maybe one day you’ll wake up and no longer see scarcity.
I wrote this from a very personal place a few months ago. I am still in recovery from all the ways a theology of self denial buried itself so deeply into my subconscious mind and shapes the way I moved through the world. I had been doing the work of unlearning for sometime and this time it just felt like I was moving to close to indulgence. Almost like I needed a season of my life where I could indulge for all the times I was deprived. That concerned me a bit so I wanted to write something to a version of myself that felt anxious at how much I was just letting myself live in freedom. In reality freedom can feel too expansive when you’ve been caged for a while. So I had to remind myself that this freedom. A normal part of the recovery process.
Grace, peace, and freedom to all of us unlearning theologies that taught us that the only currency we had to access goodness was self deprivation.