The 10 year challenge hype over the past few weeks have triggered a deeper sense of reflection in me…or maybe its the fact that I turn 25 this year which is reminding me that I am already on a path, I am actually living life, not rehearsing it, but actually right in the middle of it. That all the choices I made up to this point have led me here; and the choices I make here will be heavily reflected in the way my future plays out.
Maybe its a combination of all the above, – but I am here, contemplate the idea of changing selves. I keep thinking about my evolving self. How in some ways my 15 year old self may not have ever been expansive or creative enough to dream me up and as a reminder that whatever I dream up now about my 35 year old self in 2029 is probably going to fall short of the full magic she will embody. Maybe that is the point of life; a constant tension of dreaming and surrendering. Maybe this ability to live and let live is what sustains us through moments of doubts and anxieties.
One of the big changes I’ve noticed in my reflection on my changing self is that I am less sure of things and less sure of people. The smarter I’ve become, the more I’ve borne witness to things/people/events that didn’t fit my narrow interpretation of the world, the more I’ve been forced to expand and leave room for all the “I don’t know’s” of the world.
I am learning to remove shame from that answer.
I am choosing to let the world, to let life, to let the Divine, reveal itself to me at its own pace.
I’m also learning to accept my changing and evolving self;
Stretch marks across my hips, breast, and arms remind me that my body is expanding.
The few grays I found on my hair recently remind me that I am aging.
The sheer amount of information in my brain remind me that I have accumulated enough information to fill several treaties.
My anxieties remind me that I have things to lose.
My biological clock reminds me that I could be a mom many times over now if I wanted to.
Slowly and certainly change is happening all around me and I am giving myself space to accept all of those changes.